How to Get Through a break-up. Part Three: The Soul
We have reached the last part of our three part blog series on getting through a break-up the holistic way. So far, we have looked at how our minds and bodies can help us when our hearts ache. Here, we look at the role of the soul in the healing process.
Connection to our souls - to our innermost self - can be a powerful ally during heartbreak. Yet, it can be a confusing and challenging relationship of its own. Perhaps you find it difficult to be with your emotions, to spend time on your own, or to be still and rest.
Consider how you may currently be connecting with your soul by contemplating these questions:
Where do you turn to ‘let go;’ where do you place your trust?
What kind of relationship do you have with yourself?
How do you enhance feelings of joy and happiness?
Together we explore ways you may connect with your soul, to support your heart.
Spirituality
Spirituality can help us understand ourselves, connect to something bigger than ourselves, and make sense of our place within the world.
Spiritual beliefs and practices are associated with improved mental health, well-being, and life satisfaction. They can help us feel more optimistic, hopeful, supported, in control, and secure - and - less lonely, depressed, fearful, and anxious.
Practices of spirituality can look many different ways, such as:
Connecting to what you believe in through meditation, prayer, or stillness
Self-reflection, contemplation, or journaling
Connecting to nature, community, or other meaningful parts of life
Daily rituals; or ceremonies during significant times
Self-Compassion
How we relate to ourselves, to our inner being, to our soul - is important. Do you ever find that you are judgmental or critical of yourself? Do you beat yourself up for making mistakes, or when you feel like you have failed? Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to relate to ourselves harshly at times; yet, it can make our inner worlds thorny and life a bit harder.
To make space for our soul to support us through a break-up, it can be helpful to practice loving and kindness toward ourselves; to practice opening our hearts to tenderness and caring; to practice treating ourselves as we would a dear friend.
You may experiment with practices of self-compassion and see how they feel, such as:
Speak to yourself with kindness and in a warm tone.
Remind yourself that all humans experience pain and suffering. You are not alone.
Pause and check-in with yourself. You could ask, “How am I feeling right now?” or “What do I need right now?”
Go outside. See friends. Exercise. Make a cup of tea. Watch a funny movie.
Gratitude
Sometimes our souls need some lightness; some levity in the days of a break-up. Gratitude is a practice of noticing and being thankful for the good that exists, even in the face of pain. A practice of gratitude is not intended to wash away the difficult or painful experiences, but rather to recognize all that is true.
Gratitude has been found to reduce symptoms of depression and increase wellbeing. I also like to think that gratitude is a way we can help our souls sparkle.
Gratitude practices may include:
Note three good things each day, including causal explanations for each thing. Research suggests that one week may be all you need to increase feelings of happiness, which may leave you wanting to continue the practice!
Write a gratitude letter to someone who has shown you kindness but never been thanked. Consider reading the letter to them. This act may also increase happiness and reduce feelings of depression.
Learn More
If you want to learn more, check out Breaking Up Bravely: A Guide to Holistic Healing When Your Heart Hurts. This free ebook is available here.
Or, perhaps you may benefit from support in therapy. Here are some ways that therapy can help:
Increase love and kindness toward yourself
Increase a sense of meaning and purpose in daily life
Enhance happiness and positive emotions
Learn how to improve reactions to negative feelings and stress
Increase spiritual connection that is meaningful to you
Periods of hardship can be opportunities for personal growth. Schedule a free 15-minute informational phone consultation to see how holistic therapy may help. There can be joy and light in times of sadness.
Disclaimer: Please note that visiting this website does not constitute a doctor-client therapeutic relationship. The information and resources included or linked on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional. We do not know the specifics of your situation or have the facts to provide this type of evaluation and recommend that you seek an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional to establish a doctor-client therapeutic relationship. This website also includes links to other websites for informational and reference purposes only. This website does not endorse, warrant or guarantee the products, services or information described or offered at these other websites.
References:
Koszycki, D., et al. (2010). A multifaith spiritually based intervention for generalized anxiety disorder. A pilot randomized trial. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 66, 430-441. doi: 10.1002/jclp.20663
Koenig, H. G. (2009). Research on religion, spirituality, and mental health: A review. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 54, 283-291.
National Alliance on Mental Illness. The mental health benefits of religion and spirituality. https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/December-2016/The-Mental-Health-Benefits-of-Religion-Spiritual.
Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T.A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60, 410–421.
