Coping with Back-to-School COVID-19 Anxiety: Parent Edition
Long before COVID-19 was thrown in the mix, the back-to-school race has been a cause of anxiety for many parents. These days, the back-to-school transition may feel particularly ripe with anxiety. Anxiety may now not only include traditional considerations, like getting back-packs and pens ready-to-go, but may likely include COVID-19 specific concerns. As a parent, you may be having fears about how to keep your child safe, feel nervous because of so much uncertainty, or be worried about how your child may academically or socially adjust.
Students are not the only ones who are transitioning back-to-school like never before. Parents are also navigating uncharted waters, and doing anything for the first time can understandably contribute to excess anxiety, worry, fear, or even panic. While parents often pour boundless time and energy into their children, it is important that parents also pour some of that time and energy into themselves - for their own well-being and so they may be better able to show up for others. As the airplane instruction goes - “put on your own oxygen mask first, before helping others!"
Let’s go through a few steps that may help you cope with back-to-school anxiety after lockdown.
1. Get curious
We often want to get rid of anxiety at the first sight of it - no matter what form it comes in - be it a thought (“what if….. insert worry here”), physical sensation (nervousness, chest tightness…), or emotion (fear, irritability...). Our first reaction can be to clench around the experience in an effort to either:
Control it
Avoid it
But - when we grip around anxiety in this way, it will often return. The good news is that we have other options. Rather than gripping around anxiety, we can practice “getting curious” about anxiety in a mindful, open, and accepting way. Just like a curious detective, we can aim to explore our anxiety, without judgement or a desire for it to be any different. As a detective, we could ask ourselves these questions to help ignite our curiosity:
What types of thoughts am I having? (“Will they be safe? What if they don't wear their mask? What if they have trouble connecting with others after being home for so long?”) What is the tone of these thoughts? What is the pace of the thoughts?
What does anxiety feel like in my body? (Tightness in your chest, pressure in your head, shallow breathing, jitteriness, nervousness...) Where do I feel anxiety? How big is it? Is it moving or changing form at all?
What emotions am I experiencing? (Fear, irritability, worry, frustration, anger, helplessness...) Where in my body do I feel these emotions the most? If I could describe the emotion - the color, shape, texture, size - how would I describe it?
Getting curious about something that is uncomfortable, like anxiety, is a skill. Be patient as you get curious, and explore how your reaction to anxiety may change over time with continued practice. Perhaps you feel more confident coping with anxiety, experience less intense emotions, or notice an increased sense of peace when practicing acceptance of worry or anxiety.
2. Breathe
When we become anxious in response to thoughts or an uncomfortable physical sensation, our breathing can easily become short and shallow. These short, shallow breaths can signal the autonomic nervous system, telling the body to prepare for action. Yet, what is often more helpful than jumping into action when we’re anxious is aiming to calm the nervous system. Breathing can help us do that.
Deep, slow breaths can help turn on the parasympathetic nervous system. Rather than telling the body to jump into action, the parasympathetic nervous system helps the body “rest and digest” and can increase a sense of calm. From a calmer physical state, we can likely be more mindful (and curious) about anxiety, and may be able to take a broader perspective about what is contributing to worry, fear, or panic.
A common breathing technique is to practice inhaling for about 5 seconds, allowing your belly to expand like a balloon, and then exhaling for about 5 seconds, allowing your belly to deflate like a balloon. If you want to learn more about breathing techniques in therapy, contact Dr. Sam here.
3. Challenge
After mindfully getting curious about anxiety and grounding ourselves using the breath, it can be helpful to directly challenge those unhelpful thoughts that contribute to anxiety.
We can ask - is this thought true? For example, is it true that my child will not ever wear their mask? Often times worries may, at best, be partially true but are unlikely to always be true. We could continue to challenge our thoughts by repeating this question, challenging ourselves to see a fuller perspective with each repetition. We might find that while worried thoughts can feel very true, they are not likely to be completely true 100% of the time.
We can also ask - is this thought helpful? Is this thought helping me connect with the present moment and live a happy life? Is this thought useful? Or is this thought taking time and energy from other things that are important in my life? As we ask ourselves these questions, we may notice a continued shift in perspective - helping us redirect focus to things that are within our control, bring us joy, or promote a sense of peace.
4. Problem-solve
Consider problem-solving some or all of the worry, if problem-solving is an option. For example, maybe fears of the unknown are contributing to anxiety - like how social distancing and safety precautions are going to be managed at the school. Here is a potential opportunity to lessen some anxiety by thinking through reasonable steps that might lessen the anxiety. You might consider phoning the school and asking questions so that you have more information. You may consider staying informed through trusted health organizations.
In a second scenario, social and interpersonal changes may be contributing to anxiety. For example, you may feel anxious about not being able to meet your child's teacher in person or feel unsure about how you can support the learning environment. Here, anxiety may be lessened by practicing effective communication skills. For example, effective communication skills could help you express your worries or concerns, communicate any significant COVID-19 related experiences or losses, or explain how your child did with remote learning. While we can’t always problem-solve anxiety-provoking situations, it can be helpful to do what we can and strive for acceptance of what we cannot control.
5. Be Kind (to yourself)
This time of returning to school, be that a hybrid, in-person, or online, is hard in many ways. It may be causing a sense of suffering. When we go through hard times, it is important to be kind to ourselves. Self-compassion, which includes showing ourselves love and kindness during a period of suffering, can help us better cope with anxiety and other types of emotional distress, like depression.
You might consider how you could gently bring more kindness into your day. For example, when you notice one of those unhelpful thoughts, you might replace it with a few kind words such as, “I’m doing my best” or “I’ve never done this before and I am learning.” Consider words that feel soothing and nurturing to you. You could also place a hand over your heart as a gesture of self-love and kindness, supporting yourself as you woud a dear friend. Self-compassion asks us to remember that no one is “perfect;” we are imperfect human beings and it can feel nice to be a friend to ourselves when times are tough.
Get in touch
If you would like to learn more about coping with anxiety, increasing effective communication, mindfulness for improved well-being, or how to increase self-compassion please be in touch. I aim to help my clients connect to joy and happiness in life, even in the face of uncertainty and pain.
Disclaimer: Please note that visiting this website does not constitute a doctor-client therapeutic relationship. The information and resources included or linked on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional. We do not know the specifics of your situation or have the facts to provide this type of evaluation and recommend that you seek an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional to establish a doctor-client therapeutic relationship. This website also includes links to other websites for informational and reference purposes only. This website does not endorse, warrant or guarantee the products, services or information described or offered at these other websites.
