Learning to Let Go
Don’t we all wish sometimes that we could just let go. Let go of nagging, recycled thoughts or unhelpful stories that we hold about ourselves. You know those narratives of limiting beliefs like “I’m not attractive” or “I get nervous in social settings.”
Humans can experience a great deal of suffering by holding onto thoughts or stories that may not be completely factual and perhaps are not true at all. After all, we can’t control the thoughts that come into our minds, yet we can be quick to believe everything the mind tells us as fact. Holding on tightly to unhelpful thoughts and stories can contribute to anxiety, worry, depression, and relationship problems. They can cause distance between us and things in life that may bring us joy and happiness. For example, the person who says “I get nervous in social settings” may decline social invitations to avoid getting nervous. Unfortunately, this could result in missed connections with others, fun and enjoyment, and new experiences. So why is it so hard to let go? A few reasons could be because we..
Identify with the stories we have about ourselves
Are trying to feel in control of thoughts
Want past experiences to be different
Are having trouble accepting
Strategies To Help “Let Go”
Luckily, each time we are confronted with one of those tired thoughts or limiting stories, we have an opportunity to practice letting it go. With practice, we may be able to let go with more ease. You could consider practicing strategies like those below, which have in common their use of mindfulness. These types of strategies can help us change how we relate to our thoughts and stories, recognize our thoughts as just thoughts, and may contribute to feeling less attached to specific narratives.
"Thank You"
Just because our minds say something doesn’t mean it’s true and it doesn’t mean that we have to ride the wave of where it could take us (emotional reactions, more troublesome thoughts). When we notice thoughts that we want to let go of, we can recognize the thought and say a little something in return such as, “thank you, not now.” This practice recognizes the thought without trying to push it away; we are simply asserting a boundary that the thought is not needed right now.
For example, let’s say you’re beginning your workday but your thoughts are swirling with your very long to-do list which is making it hard to focus. As your mind gives you constant reminders about all that you have to do, you could respond by saying something like:
“Thank you, got it.”
“It’s not time for that right now.”
“I’ll get there, don’t worry.”
Externalize It
Sometimes our thoughts and stories feel very integrated within our inner selves. To help us create some separation, we can use our imagination to externalize a thought or story. What would that thought or story look, feel, taste, smell, or sound like?
For example, there is that old thought again, “I’m not working hard enough.” We could imagine that thought to be shaped like a blob, bright red with a rough texture, moving slowly like molasses, and a bit smelly with a soft, yet high pitched squeal.
Broaden Perspective
The stories that we tell can be a way of understanding ourselves. Yet, we can become trapped within the story making it hard to let go. What else might be true if we were to break free from the storyline and see a greater perspective? We could practice expanding our perspective to consider what else may be true beyond a possibly narrow storyline.
For example, you tell yourself and others “I’m a bad sharer” because you don’t like sharing food. This often makes you self-critical because you feel something is wrong with you – everyone else seems to like sharing food. But what about all the other times in life when you are a good sharer – with your time, energy, or kindness? Maybe a story with fuller perspective is, “I am a good sharer in a lot of ways, and it’s okay that I prefer not sharing food.”
“You don’t have to control your thoughts, you just have to stop letting them control you.” -
Dan Millman
Let's Grow
Mindfulness is a building block upon which these skills are built because mindfulness can enable us to be aware of what is happening within and around us in the present moment. Mindfulness is an evidence-based practice that can help reduce anxiety, improve relationships, and enhance wellbeing. If you would like to learn how to include more mindfulness in your life, or would like help developing skills of letting go reach out for a free 15-minute informational consultation. I want to support my clients on their personal growth journey.
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