Tips to Cope With Relationship Anxiety
We have many types of relationships in our lives - friendships, romantic partners, spouses, work colleagues, and family members – to name a few. Relationships can be a source of love and support, and they can also be a source of anxiety for some people.
While it can be normal to sometimes feel anxiety in certain relationships, anxiety may be problematic if it starts to interfere with the health and well-being of the relationship or individuals involved – including you. Have you ever felt like worry, doubt, or insecurity are stealing the joy from an important relationship in your life? Perhaps you constantly analyze your behavior in relationships because you are concerned that you’ve upset someone or feel consumed with worry about what others may think of you. This could particularly resonate when considering friendships or romantic relationships.
You may experience relationship anxiety if you:
Fear being abandoned
Often do not feel ‘enough’ (smart, pretty, funny…. ‘enough’)
Are hesitant to voice your wants or needs
Try to constantly keep your partner happy
Need reassurance to feel secure
Feel clingy or dependent
Impacts of relationship anxiety can include:
Worry
Feelings of low self-worth
Questioning yourself
Self-criticism
Low mood
Difficulty focusing on other things
There could be many reasons someone may feel anxious in relationships. How we show up for relationships as adults has often been influenced by the relationships we had during childhood, most prominently with our primary caregivers. Throughout development, important relationships and other life experiences can continue to shape how we show up in relationships. As these experiences accumulate over our lives, our confidence and self-esteem may be negatively impacted and possibly worsen anxious symptoms.
we consider a few tips that may
help decrease relationship anxiety.
Practice Mindfulness
When we practice mindfulness, we aim to focus our attention on something specific in the present moment, such as our breath. Increasing our ability to purposefully direct our attention to the present moment is important when attempting to break an anxious cycle.
Why? Have you ever noticed where your thoughts are when you’re anxious? Very likely they’re telling stories of the past or the future – anxious thoughts are typically anywhere but the present. Reliving the past or fearing future scenarios can quickly increase our anxiety. Mindfulness can help us return to the present moment, pause, and choose how we want to react (if at all) to any anxiety that may be showing up for us in that moment. Mindfulness can be a good first step to breaking the pattern of relationship anxiety.
Improve Communication Skills
Relationship anxiety can stunt our willingness and confidence to communicate. For example, we may fear the other person leaving so we don’t want to ask for what we really need, such as more quality time together. Or, we could avoid any conflict because we want to “keep the peace” and keep our partner happy.
Over time, not communicating our feelings, wants, or needs can lead to resentment, unhappiness, and an unsatisfying relationship. Anxiety can also worsen without an opportunity to communicate about the many important things that may require ongoing communication in a relationship. Learning assertive communication skills can help us express ourselves well, set healthy boundaries, and create and maintain the balanced and fulfilling relationships we desire. Assertive communication kindly says ‘my needs matter and your needs matter,’ rather than one person’s needs being prioritized over the other.
Decrease Personalization
How often do you notice yourself taking things personally? For example, if a friend cancels a plan you’ve made or the person you like doesn’t return your text – is your first assumption that it’s something you did or something about you that made them cancel or not return the text? These can be examples of taking things personally.
Taking things personally, or personalization, is one of several ways that our thoughts can be ‘distorted’ or unbalanced. When we take the behavior of others personally, it can really impact our mood, views of self, and how we relate to ourselves (as in we may be more likely to criticize and judge ourselves if we take things personally). Yet, the behavior of others is often not a reflection of us. It’s often not personal. Just as we show up in relationships based on our experiences, available resources, and current capabilities - so do others, typically. Practicing not taking things personally can help relieve relationship anxiety. Imagine after your friend cancels the plan you think, “I get it. She has a lot going on right now.” What does it feel like to not personalize the cancellation?
Relationships can be challenging. If there are ways you would like to experience relationships differently, it’s okay to ask for support in reaching your relationship goals.
Learn More
Therapy can be a great place to both learn more about yourself in relationships and learn new skills that can help you improve your relationships and decrease relationship anxiety. If you would like support as you make efforts to improve your relationships with yourself or others, reach out for a free 15-minute informational consultation. Let’s connect and see if Grow True is right for your needs.
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