Tips for Coping with Difficult Emotions
An area that perhaps we can all relate to at some point is the desire to better manage our emotions. Maybe you would like to be less reactive toward others, or to get less heated during communication. Perhaps anxiety and fear feel like they’re running in the background of your day as you search for the next problem to solve. Across work, family, friends, and the countless other areas of life - emotions show up. Knowing adaptive ways to respond to emotions can improve your life and relationships with others.
Let’s explore some ways you could Practice Managing Difficult Emotions that may be helpful.
Here are some tips:
Reframe the Emotion
From a Cognitive Appraisal Theory perspective, what we think about an experience will influence how we feel about the experience, which could impact how we react to the experience. For example, consider a situation in which you think you have been wronged, which causes you to feel angry. You could notice the anger and believe that you “should” not feel angry; or you could direct the anger toward someone else. As an alternative, we could get curious about the anger and reframe it as possibly useful information. Perhaps this anger could be encouraging you to use assertive communication skills or to set boundaries.
One way we may better manage our emotions is to not become swept away by them based on what we first think. Oftentimes those initial thoughts are automatic, based on experience, or are born from habit. If you pause, get curious about the emotion, and consider various perspectives, what else may you notice? You may consider these perspectives to get started:
Could anger motivate you to make positive or necessary changes in life?
Could sadness mean that you need space to process disappointment or loss?
Could shame inform you that you would like to do something differently next time?
Could fear indicate that something is important to you?
Trust It Can Move On
Do you ever feel like when difficult emotions arise that they may never go away? Yet, what has the ability to arise has the ability to disappear. Emotions are temporary. This is not to say that grief cannot last years, for example. But the intensity and qualities of even long-lasting emotional experiences are in motion and changing.
We can encourage difficult emotions to keep moving by keeping two things in mind:
Don’t “fuel” the emotion. To name a few, we can fuel emotions with beliefs, thoughts, narratives, or predictions of the future. The cognitions that surround our emotions can make emotions more intense and lost longer, even if those cognitions are untrue or unrealistic.
Lessen “resistance” toward the emotion. As Carl Jung said, “what we resist persists.” We can try to resist our emotions in countless ways like using alcohol or drugs, eating, socializing, working, getting on our phones, watching television, or straight up denial. While these strategies may work temporarily, emotions typically find a way to come back even stronger than before because what we resist persists and can add to suffering.
Rather than adding fuel to the emotional fire or trying tirelessly to resist emotions, if we can open ourselves to the experience of an emotion without any extra add-ons (narratives, denial, etc.), emotions can move through the body in about 90 seconds.
You Could Practice:
Notice how you are fueling an emotion.
Notice how you are resisting an emotion.
Experiment with dropping those ‘weights’ and experience the emotion with openness and without judgment (even if for a moment).
Disentangle the Whole Experience
Emotions can feel overwhelming, which is often due in part to the fact that emotions are accompanied by thoughts and other physical sensations in the body. This whole experience can feel internally chaotic at times.
Mindfulness is a practice that can help us notice our whole experience so that we can begin to recognize and disentangle the different components. For example, when we become anxious about the future, we may feel fear, experience muscle tension in the body, and have racing thoughts about what could go wrong. Mindfulness can help us slow down and notice that these are only thoughts (not necessarily facts), emotional reactions (that can move through you), and sensations (that will change).
You may consider developing or strengthening a mindfulness practice to help manage emotions. Below I offer a mindfulness practice named Still Strength. You can find the full practice in the free eBook, Breaking-Up Bravely: Your Guide to Holistic Healing when Your Heart Hurts.
Still Strength Mindfulness Exercise
1. Sit comfortably, focus on the breath, and relax the body with your exhalations. Begin to check-in with your inner experience (thoughts, emotions, sensations). What do you notice?
2. Gently ask yourself, “Which emotion needs my attention right now?”
3. Be with that emotion. Offer that emotion space and your understanding. This is a dedicated time to give that emotion freedom to move. What do you notice as you continue to offer space to your emotion?
4. After you have given yourself the time and space you need, move forward with your day. Specifically, what can you do today that may bring you happiness, peace, or love? This is the essence of Still Strength: there is space for positive emotions even in the face of difficult emotions.
Learn More
Feeling the whole spectrum of emotions can help us live a fully engaged life. An engaged life will include difficult emotions, but also allows opportunity for positive, joyful moments, enhanced well-being, and meaningful experiences. If you would like help in better managing your emotions, building a mindfulness practice, improving your relationships, or support on your personal growth journey, let’s connect for a free 15-minute informational phone consultation to see if Grow True is right for your needs.
Disclaimer: Please note that visiting this website does not constitute a doctor-client therapeutic relationship. The information and resources included or linked on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional. We do not know the specifics of your situation or have the facts to provide this type of evaluation and recommend that you seek an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional to establish a doctor-client therapeutic relationship. This website also includes links to other websites for informational and reference purposes only. This website does not endorse, warrant or guarantee the products, services or information described or offered at these other websites.
Reference:
Taylor, J. B. (2021). Whole brain living. Hay House, Inc.: USA.
